Hedgehogs are one of those periodically cool pets
Which is odd, right? Because they don’t seem like great pets to me. At the same time, I’m a sucker for a stuffed hedgehog, and I am still trying to figure out the best pattern for a crocheted hedgehog. So maybe that explains why the idea of hedgehogs as pets comes and goes.
The problem with hedgehogs is that they’re adorable! Right? Like sloths are adorable. And when you think about it, sloths and hedgehogs have some things in common (besides being adorable). For one thing, they give the impression of peacefulness. Just minding their own business. Hanging out. Chilling in the woods. Brush. Hedge. Tropical rainforest. Whatever.
For another, sloths and hedgehogs are remarkably ready to defend themselves, considering the pacifist façade each portrays. Maybe that’s how it works in general: the more comfortable defending itself, the less likely to act intimidating.
So, what am I doing with a big purple flower picture at the beginning of this, then talking about hedgehogs? You’ll see…
The Harmless Hedgehog
Echinacea is from the Greek word for hedgehog,
flower named for its spiny center. Coneflower,
we say, lacking the romance of the Greek name.
The thing about hedgehogs is they practice
biological warfare. Which we knew about snakes
and their venom. But hedgehogs? So cute
it’s hard to believe. They can roll themselves in their
excrement, which is stickier than typical poo.
(Funny, right? Hedgehogs? Stickier? Never mind.)
Their crap coats their spines (not quills, just hair—
but when they fluff up it’s still called quilling)
and then the salmonella in their shit transmits to any
enemy that dares draw near enough to touch. Their foe
sees purple, hugs its belly, suffers other less-poetic
symptoms. All cuties have some ability to defend.
Vicious, I say. Relentless. You, sir, ought not attack me.
I have coated myself with crap and I’m prepared to
sicken you. Bleed out from your rectum. Hah! Take that.
Luckily, Echinacea Purpurea, purple
coneflower, is a harmless hedgehog.
Don’t believe me?
Check out this video. Here’s a link to a video about a hedgehog, named Tickles, that does the poo-rolling thing. Have you ever had a hedgehog as a pet? Would you? For myself, I’m thinking no.
If you enjoyed The Harmless Hedgehog
You’ll find more of my poems on this blog or in the collection Stars Crawl Out From Their Caves, which is available in both ebook and print.
Missed a poem of the week? Links to prior weeks are on this page.