Hedgehogs are one of those periodically cool pets
Which is odd, right? Understandable, because they are adorable. Like sloths are adorable.
They give the impression of peacefulness. Just minding their own business. Hanging out. Chilling in the woods. Brush. Hedge. Tropical rainforest. Whatever.
Yet they are remarkably ready to defend themselves.
The Harmless Hedgehog
Luckily, Echinacea Purpurea, purple
coneflower, is a harmless hedgehog.
Echinacea is from the Greek word for hedgehog,
flower named for its spiny center. Coneflower,
we say, lacking the romance of the Greek name.
The thing about hedgehogs is they practice
biological warfare. Which we knew about snakes
and their venom. But hedgehogs? So cute
it's hard to believe. They can roll themselves in their
excrement, which is stickier than typical poo.
(Funny, right? Hedgehogs? Stickier? Never mind.)
Their crap coats their spines (not quills, just hair—
but when they fluff up it’s still called quilling)
and then the salmonella in their shit transmits to any
enemy that dares draw near enough to touch. Their foe
sees purple, hugs its belly, suffers other less-poetic
symptoms. All cuties have some ability to defend.
Vicious, I say. Relentless. You, sir, ought not attack me.
I have coated myself with crap and I’m prepared to
sicken you. Bleed out from your rectum. Hah! Take that.
Don’t believe me?
Check out this video. Here’s a link to a video about a hedgehog, named Tickles, that does the poo-rolling thing. Have you ever had a hedgehog as a pet? Would you? For myself, I’m thinking no.
This poem previously appeared on the blog back in 2019 but I thought I’d bring it back today for an encore. Hope you are enjoying National Poetry Month!
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